Let the sun shine in was a song from the musical Hair back in the late sixties. I was reminded of these songs from way back when watching American Women on Iplayer.
Yes I want Aquarius to wash over me again and let the sun shine in, please oh so very much please.
Those days of rebellion of freedom of choice for women was a revelation, the Contraceptive pill, the Mini skirt oh so glad I was in the thick of it.
The stage show also was a revelation for theatre goers, and to be present at the earlier performances in the good old Shaftesbury Theatre in London was mind blowing, now a days it would be tame.
The show was filled with iconic music and songs, Paul Nicholas was the lead and adorable, I remember me and my friends Maz Sue and not sure who the others were now, we were ecstatic getting the very first tickets.
We trundled down to London did the usual tour which we always did, then the performance began, we were not disappointed that September in 1968.
As the show was closing all the cast came on stage in different stages of nudity, and all of a sudden they invited the audience that wanted to join the cast on stage........ Well we were up there like a rat up a drain pipe.
Oh yes we were there standing in all our glory, rebels and loving the freedom that this was it, dancing to let the sun shine in, Aquarius, and Nina I got life, yes we had, we had arrived and were the new generation prepared to risk and tackle anything. I would not have missed or traded those times for anything, no offence but the times and places now are pale compared to then.
And now all that seems important to remember sitting here thinking on my own, of how glad I did the things that were beckoning and now have those memories.
There were lots of crazy stuff that happened and still like to think I still can be quick off the mark to embark on adventures if offered, and never want to be a person who thinks first and ruminates wondering or wheying up the pro's and cons. If I had been like that I would not have these wonderful memories to look back on, I would be sitting thinking, oh why didn't I just do this or that.
I have spoke to Viv today, she is no worse and holding her own, Sherpa Tenzing certainly has been holding tightly onto her.
I woke this morning feeling a little unwell, and my anxiety levels did rise a bit with this positive testing of Cov19, thinking oh not a Boris u Turn from we're fine and waving at number 10 to blue lighting him, but after I calmed myself down and had a bit of banter with Zulf and Heidi I calmed down, had toast and tea and felt a little better and now feeling ok apart from the breathlessness.
Carol my friend from work is doing a drop off , of Ginger root, bread and juice and hopefully a new thermometre. The weather is pants here, and my friend has decided to cancel trip from Turkey, so disappointed wont see her till later on in the year.
Think I am going to do a full English for tea tonight I really feel like a good old fry up. Hate eating and cooking for myself, when you enjoy cooking its a bane to whip up enthusiasm and I am so guilty of this, if someone does a plain sandwich or something simple for you I think you enjoy it so much better, hope you all agree.
Right get a cuppa and then do some sewing, button stitching and maybe a hem to take up. Looks like I have typed a whole lot of stuff and its not there its disappeared. Oh well will do it again, nothing else to do.
People have been ringing every day, friends and people who don't really know Viv, ring in the morning and then ring back later in the day for updates. Its so nice that I pass the messages that people are always asking about Viv hope this cheers her up.
Had a nice telephone call from a friend, it was nice listening to his lockdown experiences, but again I wouldn't mind lockdown in Singapore, news had traveled far about my Cov so it was nice to know they were worried and wanted to know all.
I had again turned to the garden to rescue me from my boredom, so pruning, and cutting the lawn at the back as the breathing was easing and my isolation should have ended but not going out out. LOL
I really am lucky I have good GPs who know I am not a panic person so when I ring they know I need assurance.
Marie dropped off my food today, so cooked pork chops and veg must do more veg cooking , but prefer to cook for people.
I am going to make the effort.
I contacted my door man today and is going to arrange to fit my front and back doors, that have desperately needed to be done especially front doors, day light peeps through the cracks.
I am thinking of things and places that me and Viv can go and see, I want to keep her spirits high so our list will grow.
And you Know every one has to have a Thelma and Louise experiences, we are not going to have that ending but believe me folks we have had the adventures and will try my hardest to have a load more. And the best times have never included men, well sometimes.
Was talking today about travel, to places I have not been, and the more I think about it I have to do it, as long as there is history and real stuff that I can immerse myself, its got to be a go do and do it again. Well going to think of these places Like Jordan, Mongolia, and maybe the Byzantine trail, so who knows......will see tomorrow. when slept on this. Oh Argentina and dance the Tango that is a must........Viv my dear we do love a bit of Latino dancing, she not quite mastered the Rock or Jive but there's time.
THIS IS WHERE THE TALE OF TWO CITIES COMES IN
THE MORNING SKY AS SHE LEFT US
The day I lost my beautiful friend and she lost her battle, I have not been able to write or speak her name without an over pouring of grief.
Is this now a lament of what could have been what should have been of grief, regrets and sorrow. I am not sure but if you carry on and read then you will come to your own conclusions.
Viv and I always said we would take our secrets to the grave of one another, she knew me I knew her, we knew an unspoken kind of telethapy of one another.
She would ask I would tell visa versa. We were honest and trusted one another. I have maybe only 2 other people I have that trust in now, believe me it is so special and a privilege to be able to have that in your life.
Peeps if you do cherish it, it is so hard to find honesty, and complete trust that will not be traded or treated with triviality, as some do, you will never get it back if you betray it and you will never deserve too either.
TEXTS MESSAGES PHONEI have spent the last day replying to messages text telephone calls, well to be honest its been more like a few months feeding back about Viv and my COV19 situ as well. It has been tough and has bought hidden grief and fears to the surface that was buried in my own life.
The 16 years of slowly becoming a carer and no longer a wife. of putting and hiding to friends a face that didn't portray sadness of my life and the hopelessness of it never ending and going on for years pretending I was coping.
Then the ending coming and feeling absolute guilt and not feeling relief just empty, but again having hiding it because supporting Viv and getting her life back together was important, so again the mask was painted on.
Then our lives were changing and our adventures were being mapped out, alas not to be, but we bloody well gave it a go the 9 months we had before The BIG C and they don't call it that for nothing struck, then the virus, C'est La Vie as they say the rest now is history.
Well is it turning into a Lament...? I will carry on regardless.
I have some wonderful support over the last few weeks I feel blessed I really do, not sure but the people who have called have opened up with their own fears, I suppose that's what happens, fear despair pain and grief bonds even the toughest of us.
I had a very dear friend ring me who is like a big giant, but is the most softest guy I have ever known, he too has had his dark moments these past few months, but is slowly coming out of it, and feel again privileged, that he knows he can talk to me about all manner of things.
He is the kinda guy when in trouble or things may go a little shall we say scary or confrontational, be it man or woman he is your man, feel I will be seeing quite a bit of him in the future for dinners and as we joked banter is the best remedy for any kind of situation, so looking forward to that, this afternoon he is coming and cooking me a meal so how nice is that.
My daughter Rebekah stayed with me last night which was lovely, not really seen her since mothers day, we managed to have a few laughs and chats but she is reeling from Viv's death as much as me she called her Fairy godmother, as she was very close to my Rebekah and to Nik. We holidayed together partied, spent Christmases and all special occasions together that we will all treasure now.
Hopefully I will make new memories which will bring me comfort in the future, with people new friends and places, and with old friends. Will they be the same no...but new and become precious to me. So to all who really know me I will not give the mingling up because if anything with all the messages calls and texts are true testament, that yes connections to people and acts of kindness from them will get you through the best and the worst, so if you don't mingle and mix up your friends folks you don't know what you are missing, the ring of hands that have reached and come together through jointly being in my melting pot has been immense.......
SO GOODBYE MY FRIEND SAVE THE GOSSIP TILL I GET THERE AND LAUGH AND LOOK DOWN ON ME AND GIVE ME A SIGN WHEN YOU KNOW I NEED A BIT OF ADVICE, BUT DON'T YOU SPILL THE BEANS UP THERE
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