This is going to be a journey of discovery for me as a person on
lock-down as that's what were in right now the UK due to the
Corona-virus or Covid19 as it's called, as someone who's
described as a social butterfly that needs flowers to help bloom to stop
me becoming a chrysalis who knows what will happen. Putting thoughts, feelings and opinions down, is going
to be interesting as I'm not a person who doesn't feel her opinions or words of
wisdom are wasted but they are maybe just pondered when shared. These
are times of great difficulties for me as a woman a mother, friend, and as
a recently widowed woman too, but that I'm sure will be touched on in the
future, but for now things are floating around about the past the present and
outlook for my future in these unsure times and nobody knows
least of all me where its going and when its going to end. People or close
friends have always said that I should write a book, don't think it would be a
best seller, but certainly worth a read on a dull day. There maybe revelations
come out that are hidden that refresh my memories or thoughts I really
don't know, but will give it a try and hopefully I wont be mournful or flippant
but it will just me tapping away to perhaps leave a page or two so one day
who knows someone may say I wonder what happened to her, did she ever find
Shangri-La or run off in the sunset and just shout bugger to it all I'm
off. This is my first session so will take a break and think this is enough for
today there is an old load of things to dust off and many opinions to be shared
happy sad hope not too many of them but maybe optimistic and lots of funny
things that believe me in my oh so humble life have been a lot amongst the
struggles..Well with a little help from friends and who doesn't need them now
have got started and I suppose its knowing when to say OK lets rest don't task
this brain and overload the grey matter. Tomorrow will be another challenge as
my NHS Techi team are now wanting me to detail all my contacts with
patients from home which till but working from home now, but in the
past have venomously refused to take work home due to my caring role
at home, but alas this is where the widow comes in, that's what the title says
now on all forms WIDOW. Do I feel like one, not really as my role changed
dramatically 15 years ago and the term wife was replaced with carer. In fact
the changes over the past year have been dramatic not just for me but for close
friends. Over the next few blogs or pages which ever you are at ease with will
be addressed, sharing the highs and the lows. There have certainly been life
changing for me in so many ways of supporting and being supported sitting on
the fence has not been an option for me, its been about facing fears with flight
or fright or the other way round for me it came in waves not trickles but
sometimes like a Tsunami have emerged not stronger as my friends think and tell
me, but bruised wounded but still standing to face another day. I have a
mantra, to look in the mirror first thing in the morning not to check the lippy
although that for me is a must but to smile cus that smile might be the only
smile you get all day, I pass this onto friends who are going through tough
times they say it helps I strongly believe it becomes a habit and they say
habits are hard to break....well would you want to break that habit,,,,Nooo.
Not sure whether to swing from the past relive it share it or just
as they say bury it but sometimes your past is what shapes you for the future,
it can't define you but if you are a cynic may confirm it, or if you are
someone who always feels there's a brush and dustpan
in the corner to brush yourself down then you learn from it I know
I have and keep learning from people and situations, most of all from yourself because
you are your own keeper and you become the keeper of your own library.
Think I've gone on too much now so will stop and see what this keepers library
will have in store, A thriller, romantic novel, or adventures ready to be had,
Gin & Tonic awaits and chill, so cheers.
No comments:
Post a Comment