HELLO FROM ME AND MY PANDORA'S BOX ITS OPEN

 

Hi everyone I am back, been a long time since my last blog, as I have said before only can blog when different things are going on in Vonnies world.

Before I went away I was not in a good place, at work my colleagues knew, that Vonnie was not at home.

Things were not getting better and to be honest for the first time in my life I could not hide tears, worries, and thoughts that ( Is this IT.)

Well I was feeling sorry for myself and no one could pull me out of it. This I have not really shared with anyone before until my friend and work colleague called today and smiled and said we have you back. Thankyou Heidi xx

And you know I am back Pandora's box was picked up, the lid gingerly opened and I looked into it, and you know it ain't that scary, I have come back appreciating my home and determined to get on with life again, so yes maybe hard sometimes on my own but really going to try to stop wearing the mask and let my smile live dance and shine on my face again where it belongs. So folks enough said and carry on now regardless.

And when some once said to me, throw her to the wolves and she will come back leading the pack. Well I can growl folks Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr LOL 

Well where to start up up and away to Espania with Claire to help her settle in and hopefully was a help to her whilst staying with her.

It was a busy 2 weeks, and surprisingly enough of my lapse Spanish started to come back be it sparsely, but good enough to get Claire to all the right places regarding her documents and things. My kids would have been proud of me, as both my kids are quite fluent in languages, Italian, Spanish German French and a bit of Japanese, so glad I encouraged them to embrace communication with the world.

The first few days were a little hectic but never the less exciting. Claire has a lovely apartment right in the buz of Spanish life, just across from harbour, beach and numerous shops and Mercadona which is really good. Did manage to Knock up a couple of tasty meals while there too in the apartments kitchen which in all the apartment is ideal size. I know Claire may get flat envy if she visits others, but for me its perfect, what can I say I would move there tomoz. So I have as I said to her I have relocation envy I loved the location.

Some people crave for the night clubs or English bars, me embracing and emerging into the Spanish culture has always been the pull for me. That's why many years ago learning Spanish was important to me, and if by any chance I would follow my one dream to live abroad well the picture of many years ago has long gone, of me on the back of a horse in a spotty red dress, riding on the back with a handsome man in traditional dress going to one of the many fiesta's. OOOOOh that image still lingers.

Many years ago I actually was privileged to a spectacular performance by the well known Gypsy of Spain, and the Lady of Spain dance, it was magnificent.Joaquin Cort`es is the current Gypsy

Back to the trip Claire has done well and managed to group up with other like wise ladies all wanting a new start, how wonderful for them, how many of us women can say we have a handful of women friends that are on their own, well as you all know by now I lost my partner in crime too soon for us to make an impact as singletons on tour bless her.......do miss her but just keep thinking she is still in Spain as she always was during the winter.

On my return had to do the old quarantine thing, although over there the whole thing is very civilised and sanitised so felt really at no risk at all.  Eating outside was fab and the amount of traditional tapas bars there was amazing they only open early in the morning then later in the evening, I am sure Claire as time goes by will taste a few and get to like some of the gorgeous tapas that are on offer.

While away Steve had kindly offered to renovate my kitchen on a budget but hey ho the boy done good, I am so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life. It is such a pleasure now to be in the kitchen, it was tatty and so tired it had been painted to death and could no longer be tarted up that it was dismal. Well now its gorgeous to me anyway,  and on let out from lock in on Friday will enjoy looking for tiles. ....Have no idea of what I want so will see.

This is my second week of quarrie, made the most of the last few days when I got back with the sun, dead heading plants, bushes, and cutting lawns, so I did'nt contact Steve as he still had work to do and did not want to put him in any risk of contamination.

Working from home this week doing the home calls for the rest of my team, to ease their burden and calling their patients for them at home. Its what I did in lock down so should be a help to them.

It sure is turning cool and the days have seem pretty cold and obviously long for me, not been further than my garden gate so beginning to get cabin fever lol. One good thing have got back into reading so pleased  with that and found some good authors that not read before,......Gruesome. You cant beat a bit of blood curdling gut wrenching and that's just Coronation street that I have binged watch is that sad ...no its an institution that's a must for all those like me. Am I ashamed no not me .

Not sure of my plans over the next few months,have a few meetups to arrange with Kaye, and Maz and Dave, meeting Pam which I am looking forward to and going to Goodliffes, so like this place hope its as nice as it used to be. Then there is the Shenanigans group meet up which most likely be two tables but sure it still be boisterous, as none are shrinking violets, that's Phil, Zulf, Heidi,  nurse Claire, Steve, me.and Carol. It usually is a real good craic and such a good bunch of people. 

Since I've been back have made a promise to try and cook healthy meals and not revert back to crisp sarnies as I had lost the plot a little, feeling a little sorry for myself and not really wanting to do anything but sink into thinking oh why why is this whole situation  dominating my life.

 Loosing Mel,  my friend. and over that last couple of weeks another lovely person has passed, and of course Cov19. People did think I was foolish going to Spain but I was fed up with the fear surrounding me. I thought bugger it I've had it, I've been scared by it alone, it is not claiming any more of my emotions, so I have decided to get back in the saddle and live the only way I know with a smile seeking people whom I enjoy laughing and not being serious with, and getting on with it.

Cooked yesterday pork loin with a herb and and whole grain crust with roasted veg, courgettes baby tomatoes onions and baby roasted potatoes, with salad, today for lunch had some salmon left over I had poached in lemon juice so had it on rice cakes topped with cottage cheese with fresh  Basil leafs that have been growing nicely in the garden. I have some nice pieces of Rib eyed steaks being delivered on Sunday. My friend has a small holding so I know where the meat has been reared and free of chemical stuff, so yes will be treating Mr Buckton to a big Rib eye for all his help.

The back garden is really Tin pan alley, all the old cupboards are all over the hockey, but a trip to the tip has been booked so hopefully I will tidy the garden up further for the winter and hopefully no more work in the garden till spring yippee.  Don't know why they have been shut not as if they help you, and fly tipping is rife WHAT DID THEY THINK WOULD HAPPEN.

Tonight though guess what back on the food thought treating myself to a all day Brecki lol, Bacon eggs tomatoes beans and sausage....how decadent. You cant beat a fry up what do you think folks.

The loveliest thing when I got back were my fur babies, Steve who is not a cat lover was feeding them and sending me pictures of them over the time away and updates. I did wonder if they would become confused and feel abandoned, but their welcome was incredible. As you all know I rescued them they were practically living feral lives., so worried they would leave as the banging and noise would frighten them but hey ho, their mummy was back and they showed how much they missed me.

Woody was licking my toes I know sounds gross but its his way, and Ginger will not let me sit without he sits on me and cries. Just love the impact they have had on me don't regret having taken them in.

Going now to look at some more recipes that I can conjure up, so cheers for now.

Knock Knock Who's There It's The Door Men.

Monday is here and another day, looking forward to yet another week, where are the weeks rushing off to, slow down lets just take a breather from our lock down freedom, its only eased a little be it mixing a little more but I will take what ever is on offer.

Monday's Eat out to help out, went to the Navigation with Steve, had a reduced meal menu, not the usual fayre but nice, and just to be out and being next to the river, would have eaten outside but wasn't sure if the evening would be cool, or rain so opted for inside.

Andrew who's pub it is came over for a quick chat asking how everyone is. then went on his merry way I suspect to get back home.The Charnwood mental health team, had our Christmas dinner there and all were really impressed, so hopefully a repeat this year if all is ok in the grand scheme of Cov19. and to be fair they are a hard bunch to please, so glad it did go well. Its always left to me usually to sort the functions out, but secretly enjoy it...ShhhhhI  

 Home to Andrew is the house where my son and a few others have shared for years Its where the best BBQ's are held their parties,  always feel engulfed in the fun chat and friendliness, pity more people have never grasped the wonderful feeling of sharing friends, oh yeah back on the mingling theme, but I am a great advocate of it and possibly I would not had the support I've had and needed over the years with out this incurable habit. TRY IT .........Step out into the world of human race and spread yourself.

On Claires visit a lovely bunch of sunflowers she kindly bought for me

WE started to plan a little and sort travel stuff out to airport and when we arrive at Alicante.

 Hope Claire embraces the meetup groups there, it will be a little bit scary but what do people have to loose if making changes to their life's, only experiences that can become memories, and memories are better than having not tried. So well done to Claire, and I will get her on local buses while I am there, as  buses are a great sauce of gaining local info when you get chatting and find out stuff like where to eat or go.

Started doing my visits at home for the first time yesterday, still waiting for my uniform which has been ordered for 2 months now....no surprise there, stuff to protect me. my protective gear I think will be a hindrance as mental health is something although getting better talking, believe me it still carries a lot of stigma.

Oh well another eat out on Tuesday  was a very disappointing experience.

NANDO's shall I go on, you can't book a table you check in with phone app and join a virtual queue. Well total poppy cock. We had an 1 and 3/4 hr wait luckily we were sheltering near the cinema canopy but what a pa larva, will not be going there again. warm food, ordering apps that don't work, then not excepting cash so you are stumped up if A app don't work, B you only have cash. Luckily we had card but stress at a tinpot foody place does not compute with me. End of Rant

Out time in Nando's was ok but the company was good and made up for the food. I was with my friend  the crazy Irish woman with an adorable lilt, that can tell you stories about the abuse that went on in the so called safe places run by nuns, and her escape to England only to live in the rough places in Glasgow, next to a brothel, and a rat infested places, she was seventeen, became pregnant and became a wife, hey ho over to England now and so glad she did make the crossing and became my friend.

Then there was Rekha, who has found a new self and is beginning to find a new strength of standing up for herself, she has been on some lovely return trips back to her native land, but last time decided its not a return to family its a return to do what the hell she wants to do like a proper holiday so good on you and your job being in charge.

Being surrounded by like minded and strong women you become  one, I do hope I am one to them......and not leaving the males out I also have strong men friends, who I know I'm not as strong in muscle as them, but I know they  have  fears and of being or feeling vulnerable at times in their own way and sharing it with me while in my company, so feel very privileged to have that kind connections with them.

On our way back to the car did notice an advert in a pub window, this pub has had its name changed more times than Katy Price's husbands. It became a real rough place full of drongo's, but had a make over and looks really nice so may have to check it out when in town when we go out, and it looks like they are making the effort to draw peeps in at the Bank Holiday. And its back to its original name Rose and Crown.

Today is Thursday, and my new doors arrived with Dave, Heidi's friend and his mate. My Front door has been in bad repair for years. In its day was very Vogue to have a good wooden door, mine was real Mahogany, but alas over the years it had took the toll of neglect. We had it fitted over 35 years ago, as our porch was all glass with the children , I was always afraid when my children  were tiny they would go hurtling through the glass, so on one early holiday to Spain, a friend who was a bricky that's what we say in our parts for builder, Jack built a new porch fitted the door, and Dave the plumber installed central heating, which in those days was an extra not standard as today. Anyway today is the day and they are busy at it.

The boys are working well on fitting the doors, giving cups of tea is always a winner. The porch is looking bright now so different from the dark gloom, but is so in need of attention.....another job to sort but I will paint it and and maybe put some new floor covering down. It was used for storing Mels oxygen tanks all 5 big ones and 2 oxygen electric machines, they're  long gone now and has made me feel a bit tearful...silly me, its like removing the last bits of necessities regarding Mel have all gone now,only steps and walking stick left, how sad.

The steps that were fitted for him are still there, some times I would find him sprawled out on in his struggle to walk he had fallen many times loosing his balance,  they are reverently remaining, I call them the Spanish steps. I sometime recall how strong in mind body and soul he was, and how he was not afraid of anything or anyone, and was a friend to everyone. Oh what mental health can reduce you too and I had to stand by and watch this man disintegrate, to a shadow of his self, it was hard folks and at sometimes sheer hell to live with.

Got to train my fur babies to use the cat flap, which Dave is fitting as I type, that should be fun...or not. The nice Dave is fitting it for me whilst telling me about his trip to Scotland. He is a biker a real dude, When organising my friends wedding reception, food and preparation, all her male biker friends helped, and it was a true biker wedding, I got to meet them all. Fun roucus  and absolutely greatday and wedding, I have never seen so many big burly blokes and bikes in my life.

  I have a friend coming in to feed the cats  whilst I am away, funny I have really grown so fond of them, they greet me in the morning, Jesse never leaves me alone if I am sitting always meowing till I talk to him. but sometimes if not been out or been at home he and Woody are my only conversation objects I have and would not be without now.

Friday is my daughters birthday, unfortunately she is camping somewhere in the lakes, just spoken to her and its definitely not camping weather, hope it clears up for them, it will be wellies all the way bless. 

Saturday came and went, didn't do much at all, did a few errands like sorting Euro's, and also buying Visors for Claire and me maybe to wear on the plane if possible, better than mask will see anyway.

Steve came round later on Saturday, for Chinese take away, and kindly invited me around for Sunday dinner or super if posh. So will finish now just get my shoes on and nip round.

Have a nice Bank Holiday Monday folks. 

Expectations on people, life and the future, I need a new manual

 

Not an avid blogger or a prolific one, sometimes if there is nothing to write about then its fine for me, no pressure to put on myself, life can do that for us all by its own means in different way's.

Have  been going along in my own little world, being me or perhaps at times didn't want to be me. We have all had those times haven't we well some of us have and  just keep ambling along.

 Had a funny week this week, certainly ups and downs, and for some reason letting the Im ok mask slip, I suppose I am in full sail as a ship flows when helping and feeling needed, is that selfish of me or sad I don't really know.

I had a Claire stay this weekend, she commented that I hadn't shown a lot of emotion in my last blog, think she is right, it was all about the same O same O, all about walking sometimes  not a lot about anything just a blog, don't mind the critique coming from someone that is so honest and open, who shares most things most of the time its really very refreshing to know someone like that.

And I have a new go too saying, not mine exactly only seen it or heard it but I like it........if you are brave own it,... if you are doubting your self, own it,,,,,,if you an asshole own that too and take it on the chin always.

I really think if I did show emotions the flood gates would be opened to a deluge of un burdening crap. Crap I have made all by my self and crap that others have bestowed on me. But you know you have to own it and smooth over it to make others feel good about themselves.

Any way back to whatever ........went out to Nottingham on Monday with my lovely friend Sylvia, it was nice to go for a change, masks on our chops and away we went on the bus. First time I had been on a bus since the beginning of the year, think that was to Leicester to my Cancer check up.

When we used to go for appointments during and after treatments we would go poorly shopping, I would treat myself to things to cheer the day up and make it a happy day. Sylvia would laugh as every time I would say another poorly present is deserved.

There was a Caribbean funny shop with a large West Indian Lady I would go to try on more hats to wear on my bald head, she would grab me and wiggle all these hats on my head Sylvia would be peeing her self. I didn't even want the hats it was just the fun this lady created for me. I wonder if her little business has survived. Oh I did buy her hats and never wore them, Still have some gave Viv some though when she lost her hair.

 Whilst in Nottingham we had a gorgeous meal at a restaurant that was Caluchos, its called Ecsulent, it was divine, would definitely recommend it to anyone. We had a lovely day it was nice to steal a few hours away some where we hadn't been in a long time.

Bought more masks, I have every colour even glam ones with diamonds, thanks to Natasha..... Vern also kindly dropped me some perspex shielding masks off to me will look like a space man lol but at least I can breathe.

Back at work Tuesday and do enjoy it and my work friends, not sure what I would be like without this outlet, I don't think I save my patients as much as they save me.

Then went out for a meal deal later in the week on Wednesday, think it was more of a consolation meal out, but hey ho thats ok we went to the Greyhound it was ok but not sure I would go again.

Suppose to be going for a meal Monday but not sure if I can make it now, got my wires crossed silly me.

It happens don't it folks we all do it, note to oneself. don't do it again.

Claire arrived Friday, we went out with Phil for his birthday a few of us and it was nice to be out feeling a bit like old time but not all could make it,  I will use Claire's  photo's didn't take any myself  so all will be hers that she took or another friends. Think she should have been a photographer impromptu ones she is good at. Not sure captures your soul or maybe she does, You see this blogging don't come natural to me, so never prepared for that quick snap with the camera. Hence the female ( David Baily) Claire, well done Claire you do capture everything and everyone at their best it must be a knack you own it girl.

 

   Saturday came, and we had a quick walk around the park not big but pretty  and then down into town then down by the canal, We doubled back as the Boat inn pub wasn't open and Claire liked it there, so walked further on toward the Sea Cadets base was nice walking that way. Unfortunately the bowl of chips we all fancied was not on the menu, as the relief landlord was not doing any meals, wonder what happened to the last one..?????? Cov19 casualty maybe.

 We then doubled back to the Boat inn, had a beer there and then carried on to the Ring O Bells, had a few there, then a long to Maxwells, seems a lot of pit stops were made on Saturday.

Maxwells was busy but managed to get a table then a few really good friends of mine joined us. These friends especially Vern, is a big softie, he see's right through me and I him. This session went on for some time, so this morning a little fragile to say the least.

Cooked Claire scrambled egg with smoked salmon before she left for Melton to see Phil and his mum and loaded her up with the wheelchair  and off she went. Well another short blog and that its folks.